The topic of jealousy often comes up as a topic of conversation amongst swingers. Everyone has an opinion, everyone is affected by it, and we all acknowledge the deadly power and havoc it can play if allowed to roam unchecked through a relationship between two people who swing. We aren’t just talking about the dynamics of a loving couple who share their bodies, minds, and souls with others for the first time; although this can be a difficult experience for many. We are also talking about what happens when one of the partners is suddenly the life and soul of the party!
There is a saying which you will hear sooner or later at any gathering of swingers. “The most enthusiastic partner may get a couple swinging but the least enthusiastic will keep them doing it.” What this means is that one of the partners (usually the man!) will initiate the move into the swinging scene and the other partner (most often the lady) will reluctantly acknowledge that this most private fantasy might be fun to try in real life. They arm themselves with an overnight bag crammed with condoms and sexy clothing, head off to a club and the unthinkable happens; the lady loves it, shags everything that moves, and wants to keep coming back. The man is left at the sidelines watching a side of his partner he has never seen blossom not only before his eyes but in front of bastards he’s never even met!
The strange dynamism of jealousy in action. Or, put another way, the green eyed monster is back.
Jealousy can be powered by several deep seated human emotions. First of all is that of scarcity; in other words, many people believe that their partner has only a limited amount of love to go round – it is a scarce commodity and if my partner is sharing so much of it with other people, what if there isn’t enough left for me ? Second comes insecurity; perhaps I’m not good enough for my partner – what if no-one wants to play with me – what if they start thinking they would be better off with someone else – what if my lady meets someone bigger who can keep it harder and going for longer….. The list is endless and it can hurt. Deeply.
Jealously usually arises not because we fear something good might be taken away from us but because we fear someone else might get it instead. Turn the paradox around – “Imagine if my partner shared intimacy with lots of other people I might get jealous. Now imagine that every time they shared or had sex some of their pleasure got stored up inside them so that when they share with me I get even more pleasure.” Would jealousy be such a big issue then? If you were to receive a “reward” as a side effect of your partner being intimate with others?
As always with swinging, the key is communication. By communicating effectively, ensuring that agreements made outside the club are honoured inside it, by reiterating your commitment to each other, by measuring and treasuring the love you have for each other, and listening to and dealing with emotional seriously you should be able to ensure that the fleeting pangs of jealousy are nothing more than a reminder of your depth of feeling for each other.
And with a bit of a nod towards The Drifters – “I won’t forget who’s taking you home and in whose arms you’re gonna be, oh darling save the last shag for me” <grin>.
Handling Jealousy
Do you get jealous if your partner is looking at the opposite sex? If you do, how do you think you will handle seeing your partner have intercourse or play sexually with a new partner? For the most part, jealousy is very healthy, but too much of it can be a huge problem in the swinging lifestyle. The biggest secret of handling jealousy is to discuss all the possibilities that might come up and usually do in the swinging lifestyle. By reading some of our examples, you will get a very good idea of the situations that will come up in the lifestyle.
Many couples think that they are not jealous until they see their partner acting or enjoying themselves in a totally different way than they have done with you before. We see this happen often at clubs and parties, where we hear the comment that, you never did that for me before, you never made those noises with me before, you never told me you were BI etc.
There are a few simple and logical reasons why this happens at your first party or club. Most couples get involved in swinging after being together for some time or many years. When couples only play with the same partner for many years, things can get very routine and you start looking for something to spice up your good relationship by entering the swinging lifestyle. When you plan your first outing to a club or private get together, you want to put on your best side by showering, cleaning up, fresh breath, clean clothes etc. This desire to put on your best side or show, also carries itself into the bedroom or any play area where you want the new partner to be totally excited with you and you are excited about letting your hair down and having the time of your life!
So many couples are so excited during their first experience with a new partner or couple that they let many of their inhibitions loose and even try many new things that are daring and exciting that they may never have tried with their partner.
Some men ask their ladies to act like a horny slut or put on a strip show, but it is sometimes hard to put on a show like this for someone you know so well and might laugh at you or tease you.
Here are some other examples, your female partner has been bugging you to have anal sex, but you hate it, or you wish your partner would talk dirty to you during intercourse, but they hate it, or you have wanted to try a BI experience, but have been too embarrassed to ask or talk about it with your partner. When you match up with new partners or couples, they all have things they like or hate, but when you find a partner that loves performing anal sex or talking dirty during sex or even senses your BI side and encourages you to let loose or experiment, your libido can take over and just do it. You can just imagine how your partner might be feeling if they asked you to perform in a certain way and refused in the past and are now performing this task for a complete stranger!
Many couples have never had any other sexual partner in life, so the experience of a new cock or new pussy is very exciting, because every cock and pussy are different. This is what makes the lifestyle so much fun. If everyone was the same, life would be boring. Variety is the spice that makes swinging so enjoyable. Someone may hold you different, kiss you different, or make you have orgasms in different ways than your partner of many years.
Don’t Get Mad As A Hatter!
Be willing and accepting of the new behaviors your partner will be engaged in, because both of you will be enjoying and experiencing new things together and will share those experiences when you are both home alone. Almost all couples experience a heightened sexual drive for several days or weeks after a new sexual encounter and both of you will have the memories of the evening to last you a lifetime. “Remember when that young lady sucked on your pussy and made you cum several times.” or “Remember when you acted like a horny sex machine, when those two three guys filled all your holes and you kept begging for more.” or “It was so horny watching two ladies suck on your hard cock.”
Does this idea scare you or get you mad!
Put yourself in this situation. Would you be upset seeing your female partner finding new playmates that are crazy over her or would you be upset seeing your male partner joining in with this new female playmate? Is it too much for you?
You need to find your comfort level for jealousy. Swinging is done at many different levels of play and there are many different clubs out there with different activities. It is very important that you discuss all the possibilities.
If participating in the picture above or watching your partner in this group would truly upset you, you need to establish boundaries which both of you will not cross. You may even want to stay away from the idea of swinging completely. Especially if one of you is all for this and your partner says no way! Both of you must have an equal love for what you want to do together in swinging.
Jealousy can be healthy!
Put yourself in this situation. You are in the back watching your male partner have two ladies play with his cock. You know the ladies are having a great time with him and he is having a great time with them and watching you play with a new partner all at the same time.
After the party, both of you will recall events during a party and you tell him that you were so turned on watching the ladies play with him. You might have been jealous seeing a lady suck on his cock for a long time or watching him enter a ladies pussy with his hard cock for the first time. You might tell him how jealous you were watching him pump his cock hard into the ladies pussy for more than half an hour.
Many couples have only had one sexual partner in their life and seeing their partner having sex with a new partner can be quite a turn on for both partners or it can get one or both partners very jealous. A little bit of jealousy is very healthy, especially when you both take out your sexual frustrations on each other when you get home!
If you are not sure how you would feel in this situation or are terrified at the thought of it, you must take things very slowly and enter the lifestyle at a slow and comfortable pace. Many couples are ready to jump right in, but you are the best judge on your attitude about sex.
